


But love brings much happiness - much more so than pining brings pain

by mechanonymouse



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Pining, Pining has been going on for a long time, marital rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechanonymouse/pseuds/mechanonymouse
Summary: This text uses surviving documents written by Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte and Lady Eleanor of Roxby to trace how Eleanor of Roxby became the woman referred to by King Michael I as my mother’s wife, buried with the Queen Consort and named on the Royal Proclamation of 1320 decriminalising homosexually.





	But love brings much happiness - much more so than pining brings pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fleurting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurting/gifts).

_Correspondence from Lady Eleanor of Roxby, second daughter of Matthew Roxby, 2nd Earl of Roxby to Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2340_

8th Gooseberry Moon 1289

Dear Annabelle,

We are to be sisters.

As we always hoped, our fathers have arranged a marriage between your brother James and myself. We are to wed beneath the full Wheat Moon. I would greatly appreciate your presence, please say that you will come.

Congratulations on your marriage. I’m sorry I could not attend. The singers say you were a beautiful bride and the prince, a most dashing and charming groom. Though I must say your wedding sounds overwhelming and the southern customs very strange.

How are you adapting to the South and married life? Please say that it comes naturally.

Your soon to be loving sister

Eleanor of Roxby

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2389_

1st Cherry Moon 1289

<strike>I wish </strike>

<strike>Matthew Roxby would</strike>

My heart would grieve me less were I my father’s son not his daughter. My jealous heart wishes for all that James has. <strike>For the love he has</strike> For the freedom he has and ease to serve our sovereign and our people.

My lord denies me even the smallest thing. If I wished for white wine he would give me red.

He is not gentle or kind to me. I wonder, is there something wrong with me. I have kissed boys at balls and walked the gardens with them but no man touched me beneath my dresses before my lord and I have never wished for any man, bar my lord husband as chosen by my father to do so. My very dearest Eleanor spoke freely of her desire for my brother James but when I think of lying with another <strike>my thoughts drift to warm curves and laughing green eyes</strike> my thoughts are of my duty to my family and my lord husband’s kingdom.

* * *

_Correspondence from Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward to James of Conte, first son of Jacob Conte, 10th Earl of Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 18960_

2nd Cherry Moon 1289

My Very Dearest Brother

Congratulations on your betrothal. May your marriage be happy and fruitful.

It grieves me most heartily to turn down your invitation for myself and my lord husband to attend your wedding. My lord husband requires my presence on his trip to the Southern Lands. This trip has been planned for two years and there is no way to delay it without causing great offence nor can I ask you to delay your much anticipated marriage.

Know, my very dearest brother, that I will be there in spirit and that if I had the wings of bird or the freedom of a man I would fly to your side.

My prayers will be full of you and Eleanor.

Your heartsore twin

Annabelle

* * *

_Correspondence from Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward to Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 19023_

5th Rye Moon 1289

My Dearest Eleanor,

I miss you and your pragmatic advice desperately.

How is your husband and how are you taking to marriage? I was very sorry to miss your marriage to my brother James. Mother wrote that you were a beautiful bride and have been a most gracious hostess to her and father when they visited. I hope the wedding gifts from the Southern Lands have made their way to you safely and bring joy to you.

I, myself, must confess I am finding marriage harder to adapt to than I had expected. Here at court I find myself alone in a crowded room and there is no one I can speak freely too. Even writing to you I must be circumspect and reveal nothing I would not wish to be intercepted. As you have no doubt heard, the king’s health is declining and my husband is having to take a greater role in ruling the kingdom. We have toured every part of the kingdom since our marriage and visited many of our allies. This is all necessary and for the good of the kingdom but it has made it hard for us to get to know one another as husband and wife. Of course, the crown prince must put the needs of the kingdom above his personal desires.

I’m sorry our visit to the North took place while you and James were in seclusion following your marriage, for I would dearly like to see you. I hope that you and James will pay a visit the court this year.

With much love

Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2389_

13th Rye Moon 1289

To think that I was pleased, or at least proud, when my father announced that I was to marry the Crown Prince.

Edward cares nothing for my pleasure, comfort nor wellbeing where it would not compromise my ability to produce a healthy heir, as determined by him. My personal physician was sure my womb had quickened before Edward made me accompany him to the Southern Lands and advised Edward against taking me. I have never bled so heavily with my monthlies before as I did on our journey nor since but he would deny me any comfort or happiness that does not also bring him joy. He did want my company in the courts of the Southern Lands preferring instead to consort so freely with whores and unmarried women that I was the subject of public mockery. What he wished was to deny me the chance to see my mother or sisters.

His cruelty harms the kingdom. To have travelled alone and been so free with whores might have been understandable but to bring your wife and be so free shames him. It makes his oath untrustworthy, whispered the Southern Courts. My availability to other men was questioned. If a king is so busy, mayhap his queen might be available and with sweet words and comfort a lad of our court placed upon the throne. Even his advisers gossiped.

Now my lord berates me that I have not yet announced a pregnancy when he has not come to my bedchamber for moons. Not that his absence bothers me, his visits bring me no pleasure. My mother made clear that lying with a man can be uncomfortable but she said the pain would ease and I might come to enjoy my husband’s attentions. It has been five moons and still it hurts, even the parts that come before are unpleasant when kissing my father’s pages or young men at balls had always been good fun.

I am heartsick with missing home. I miss the crisp autumn air, the smell of roasting chestnuts and smoke. Here the frosts do not come until the Oak Moon and the smell of sewage and sweet perfume mingle throughout the court. I am so desperately lonely, there is no one I can ask for advice or comfort. I dream of my beloved Annabelle and awake expecting her to be here. The realisation that I am alone breaks me, even bratty little Meggy would be a comfort to me but I cannot even cry in my rooms for my maids will report it. All of the women who serve me are jostling for better position in the court. The queen has offered her ear to me, but she is my lord’s mother. I cannot criticise my lord to her nor speak of my marital troubles

* * *

_Correspondence from Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward II to Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 19028_

10th Oak Moon 1289

My Dearest Eleanor,

I was delighted to hear that you and your husband plan to attend the Grand Tournament for the solstice. Will James be competing in the jousting? My husband intends to, for he fears this will be the last year that he will be able to freely compete.

It is wonderful news that your marriage has been so quickly blessed. I wish you a safe pregnancy and hope that when we next meet in person I will have similarly joyous news. In light of your news and as a sign of my affection for you both, please allow me to host you within my household for the duration of your stay.

With much love

Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2389_

10th Oak Moon 1289

News of my dearest Eleanor’s pregnancy has infuriated my lord husband but it was joyous to me. If she cannot be with me, that she is happy brings me great comfort and her letters speak of much happiness as my brother’s wife and lady of his keep.

My lord has visited my bedchamber every night for almost a moon and as should be expected there is not yet any sign that his exertions have been successful. Yet, he berates and beats me for the lack. I bled before he began visiting me again and should have bled before the Rye Moon fully waned but the Oak Moon is not yet full and it is too soon to be confident that life has quickened within me. I fear what Edward will do to me if I do not announce a pregnancy before the solstice. His anger when I bled in the Southern Lands kept me in bed longer than the loss.

King David ails, all the kingdom knows this now. I hear whispers at court that he is king in name only. He is only seen at court one day in five and doesn’t hold a full audience then. Even my sister in cloister has written offering her prayers for the king’s health. Edward doesn’t believe his father will survive to see the next spring which has triggered his sudden urgency to produce an heir. He has lain only with me this past moon and sent all his normal whores and loose women from the court.

That he does not wish to lie with me is clear, he calls me cold and ugly compared to his whores. Sometimes I bleed so hard after I think he has forced my monthlies to come early and driven the possible child from my womb. Every time hurts more than the last and I wish for pregnancy to end my suffering for a time. I desperately miss my mother and my sisters, with the presence of just one of them this would be much easier to endure. With my beloved Eleanor at my side, I could endure whatever the gods wish of me.

* * *

_Correspondence from Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward to Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 19033_

6th Holly Moon 1289

My Dearest Eleanor,

I eagerly await your arrival. Rooms have been arranged for you and your household for your stay. The Men of the Gate know to expect your arrival and will lead you to your rooms.

It was good to hear that your pregnancy has been progressing well and that you have not been suffering too badly. I’m sure mother will continue to hover throughout your pregnancy, it is her first grandchild. My lord and I have good news of the same nature, which my lord plans to officially announce at the solstice feast. Pregnancy has not been treating me as kindly but my husband has been very understanding of my weakness.

The king was glad to hear your husband’s well wishes and my husband of his continued loyalty to the family.

Yours in joyous expectation

Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2389_

20th Holly Moon 1289

My darling Eleanor and my dearest brother are here. I am so overjoyed I wish to sing and find a smile breaking across my face even in the midst of solemn prayer. When James and I are apart we always feel off balance though we have learnt to endure it over the years but I have never been parted from my dearest Eleanor for so long and I do not think my heart could bear such long a parting again.

Eleanor is gorgeous, mother’s tailor selected just the right colours to make her eyes sparkle like emeralds and her skin seem translucent. Marriage and pregnancy suit her well, she is blooming. Even my lord has noticed and he is enamoured with the youngest daughter of the newest Ambassador from the Southern Lands.

It has been glorious to sit and quietly embroider with her, I had forgotten the comfort of fond companionship even in silence. That even in silence with Eleanor I do not feel alone. Despite our separation, we can talk for hours about the largest concerns or nothing at all with equal ease. That my dearest brother adores her is clear to anyone who sees them. I am glad that she has made such a happy marriage. I so wish that our marriages had been as we planned as girls. To live but a keep away from my beloved Eleanor and dearest brother, would bring me such joy. To lie with a man I love like my brother, I think I could endure. I do not desire Matthew Roxby, any more than I do my lord husband or any other man which I am beginning to think is a fault of myself, but I have great affection for him.

I fear the sight of creamy breasts constrained in a tightly laced gown does more to inflame my passions than my lord husband even fully aroused. I can understand what draws him to his latest fancy more than see what makes them willing to dally with him.

James has barely had time to sit with us at dinner but he dotes on us both when he is released from his duties. The king has my lord gathering his loyal servants to him in preparation for the king’s death. I am grateful my lord has been so busy. I find myself increasingly weak as this pregnancy progresses, I can barely eat and am regularly faint but my physician assures me that the pregnancy progresses well. I am glad for my lord’s distraction, though I pity the girl, for I do not think I could withstand my lord’s ardent attentions.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

10th Snowdrop Moon 1290

I have been too busy to write my thoughts with the solstice celebrations but they ended yesterday and my darling Eleanor and her household left today. I find it hard to lift myself to care about anything else. My love is gone and she has no plans to return. Without her the colour has left my world and it is my lord husband’s fault. He has sworn to possess that which he cannot have and in his jealous want driven her from both of us.

My lord deflowered and bored of the ambassador’s daughter before the solstice. She made a public fuss at being cast aside so callously, declaring she had not bled though it had been over a moon since he deflowered her. Her father required my lord cast me aside and take his ruined daughter as his wife. My lord declined; he accused her of plying him with wine and conniving to be present when my lord was drinking even if she had not been invited to the event. Many of my lord’s men agreed, his unmarried friends declared that she had given herself to them freely and regularly. If the girl was with child they could not say which of them had fathered it. Her father sent the girl away in disgrace to maintain his position but this did not cool my lord’s disfavour and he sent the ambassador back home.

With his previous obsession passed and my physician still advising my lord spare me from his attentions, my lord’s eye turned to my beloved Eleanor. She did not welcome his attentions but one must always be diplomatic with the crown prince, more so when he is shortly to become king. My very dearest brother sought to remove our darling Eleanor from my lord’s sight but he was not to be deterred and no subject of the kingdom can refuse him.

Our darling Eleanor grew grayer everyday that my lord forced his affections upon her. She was stiff and uncomfortable with my brother James and I and my lord’s attention on her grew ever more forceful but the solstice celebrations bound them here.

The solstice celebrations ended yesterday and my very dearest brother took our beloved Eleanor home, declaring himself the king’s most loyal banner man, loyal to the royal family and the descendants of King David, but that he must serve the king at home at the northern reaches of the kingdom and he did not know when he would next be able to return to court.

My lord will not allow me to leave his side until heir and spare have been provided. I will not see my beloved Eleanor nor my very dearest brother again for many years and the world seems so much a colder, crueler place for that knowledge. I wish they had not come, to have hope that I would soon see the people dearest to my heart was better than to have seen them and know I may never see them again.

I pray to the God and the Goddess that the child I carry will be a boy and that I quickly conceive another son. I will endure my lord’s attentions without complaint and attempt to hold them to me.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

12th Primrose Moon 1290

Denied my Eleanor, my lord husband has turned his attentions to a young noble lady in the service of the Calun ambassador. My physician still advises my lord against lying with me, describing my body as too frail to endure both pregnancy and vigorous activity. I have prayed to the Goddess to change this, spoken with uncomfortable frankness with the queen about other ways I might please my lord, and begged my physician to change his mind but to no avail. My lord husband is banned from my bedchamber until his son is born.

The guilt tears at me. Like my beloved Eleanor, his Calun girl does not desire my lord’s affections. She is a shy, pretty thing, with the northern look. When my lord turns to her she trembles with fear. When released from my lord’s attention, she cries. She has said but five words to me in her time at court, despite her father’s lands bordering my father’s. “How do you endure him?” she blurted out and then immediately fled.

You cannot deny the king and my lord husband is king in all but name. He openly calls her his whore, leaving her reputation so ruined she cannot return home. He treats her cruelly in public and I know the Calun ambassador reports his disrespect back to the Calun court.

The dispatches speak of trouble on the Calun border and of difficulty getting goods across the border. Mother, Eleanor and James mean to spare me but my younger sisters have not yet learnt to be so circumspect. I know father and James have been needed at the garrisons for nearly a moon and my dearest Eleanor has been sent to father’s keep further from the border than James’s.

I pray and try to improve relations with the Calun ambassador’s household but my lord husband undoes my hard work in an instant. Were but that I man, I would stand side by side with my father and brothers to defend our land and people. I would take the bird my lord wishes to break and let her fly free unblamed for my lord’s excesses.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

15th Daffodil Moon 1290

I am heartsick and lonely. I dream of Eleanor, of sweet days with her in our fathers’s keeps and joyous springtime celebrations where we danced together all day. Then I awake to naught but fear and loneliness.

The news from the northern borders grows worse each day and every day my lord provokes the Calun ambassador further. My father has sent a request for more men and my lord mocked it in open court with the Calun ambassador present. He claims that the Calun’s are so backwards as to pose no threat to the kingdom and if the northern lords requires assistance, then I am a good example of how frail northerners are.

He threatens to install his preferred men in the north, second sons whose only accomplishment is to drink and party with my lord.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

15th Bluebell Moon 1290

I worry always for my brothers and father trying to keep peace at the border.

The Calun ambassador has sent most of his household home including his wife. He keeps only the girl my lord defiles of the noble ladies who traveled with him. Before she left, his wife promised if I wished, should her husband need to flee the court he would take me with him and deliver me safely to my father.

My dreams have turned strangely sexual. In my waking moments, I think of my beloved Eleanor only to worry for her safety and happiness but in my sleep she moves above me. Kisses and touches me as Queen Mary speaks of a husband and wife doing and her touches bring pleasure I did not know possible.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

5th Hawthorn Moon 1290

My lord father has sent my youngest brother to beg on bended knee for the king to send men to the border but the king no longer holds audiences and my lord husband denied him jeering. My lord spoke of the insult my father does the crown to send a boy to plead. My youngest brother is but one and ten, for my father to send him speaks of their need for every man at the borders not my father’s disrespect of the crown.

We could barely speak together but I managed to pass the situation at court to him, that this is provoked by my lord husband excess alone, and the ambassador’s offer. My brother brought news of my mother and sisters and that some of the northern lords threaten to cede to the Calun king.

Our keep is full of women and children sent from the fighting and all the able bodied men are with the army but my lord father remains in communication with the Calun king and my lord husband so he is confident that our keep will be safe from the fighting. My littlest brother, who I rocked as a babe in arms, is the oldest boy at the keep and lord of the keep in my father’s absence.

* * *

_Correspondence from Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of Crown Prince Edward II to Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 19079_

5th Gooseberry Moon 1290

My Dearest Eleanor,

I was overjoyed to hear of the healthy birth of your son and very sorry to miss his Naming Ceremony. My lord refused to let me travel, fearful of the safety of his future heir with renewed instability at the northern borders and that my travelling might jeopardise his son’s healthy birth.

I have pled greatly for my lord to reconsider his stance. He fears greater instability in the kingdom when his father passes and does not wish to have the army embedded in the north if they are needed elsewhere.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I am finding that pregnancy disagrees with me more as it progresses and will be very glad when my child is born. Gods willing, he will be healthy. My lord has been very understanding of my infirmity and the queen most generous with her time and advice.

Your loving sister

Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

12th Gooseberry Moon 1290

King David did not wake up this morning. Queen Mary has taken to her bed, the grief making her most unwell. Prince Edward is calm and stoic in public, and short tempered in private.

The king’s body is being prepared to lie in state, I can not help but wish that I was in his place. Since my darling Eleanor left, the world has seemed a darker place and growing ever darker with each moment that passes. I fear for my very dearest brother and fear more so that my lord wishes ill of my brother and father. My lord refuses to send reinforcements or to have audience with the ambassador. He openly questions the fidelity of the Calun queen, still he lays with the cousin of the Calun king against her wishes and publicly calls her his Calun whore.

With every day I find this pregnancy more intolerable. My lord requires my presence at his father’s funeral and his coronation but despite my physician’s warnings he will not delay either. My physician has ordered me to bed leaving only when my lord orders. The child should be born under the Cherry Moon and I fear for him if he is born before the Gooseberry Moon fully wanes.

He must be a boy. I have prayed daily for the life of my brothers and father, for this child to be a boy. I am terrified of what my lord will do to myself and the child if it is not a boy. I am terrified of what the Calun king will do if this child is killed by my lord husband, of what my father will do if my lord kills me or the child. If my father cedes so will the rest of the northern lords, many of whom were Calun lords two decades ago and the Calun ambassador promises that his king will ride his army through this city if the king spreads his public disrespect to myself.

* * *

_Correspondence from Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte to Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of King Edward II. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 23059_

1st Cherry Moon 1290

Dearest Annabelle,

I apologise for our absence. The fighting at the northern border has worsened and my lord has not returned from the field for a moon. He could only visit briefly to celebrate the naming of his child and heir. The last news was poor but James was in good health and certain that they could hold the border until things settle down.

I was gladdened to hear of the healthy birth of your son and that you are healthy. Your letter was succour to my soul. When we heard that your son has been born as King Edward was crowned and there was no news of you we were greatly worried. With the fighting none of us were able to travel but we prayed muchly for your good health.

I hope one day our sons may walk together the walls of our childhood homes as good friends as we are. Tell me your child’s full name after his Naming Ceremony.

Your most humble servant

Eleanor of Roxby

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Princess Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

5th Cherry Moon 1290

My brother has been taken hostage by the Calun’s. The Calun ambassador promises no harm will come to him before we pay the ransom but my lord refuses to pay nor allow me to pay.

I cannot bear the thought of my brother in a cell, hostage to my lord’s excesses. The thought of my darling Eleanor, newly birthed and separated from her husband. My mind shies away from it but I must write it. The thought of my very dearest brother killed because my lord wants to fuck a woman who does not wish him and my beloved widowed before her marriage is a year old.

* * *

_Correspondence from Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of King Edward II to Lady Eleanor of Roxby, wife of James Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 19079_

20th Cherry Moon 1290

My Dearest Eleanor,

I am afraid there is no good news in this letter.

I’ve begged on bended knee in public audience with the king, I have offered to pay from my household allowance alone, I have promised everything I have but he will not be moved. My lord will not pay ransom for your husband nor allow me to do so. Maybe you or father will have more that you can offer him or he will allow father to pay the ransom. Otherwise I have no suggestion for you. If he allows father to pay the ransom, I will put all that I can towards and you will owe me no debt.

If you travel to court, do me the honour of allowing me to host you.

Yours in sorrow

Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte

P.S My son is named Michael David Edward Arthur. Please tell mother and father.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

9th Barley Moon 1290

I abhor him.

I cannot stand his presence but for our son I would ask the gods to strike him dead for his lies and dereliction of duty.

My lord refuses to pay my very dearest brother’s ransom nor will he allow any of his subjects to pay but if my beloved Eleanor consents to become his mistress he swears to reconsider and set aside his Calun mistress with a lifetime allowance.

My darling Eleanor is trapped. She cannot refuse him nor if she accepts him can she leave him without proof of her husband’s death or his ransom paid.

My father can do nothing for my brother nor the safety of Conte and the North. If he were to ceed to Calun, my brother would remain a political prisoner and Edward would send the full might of the crown against the North. If he stays loyal to Edward, my brother remains prisoner to Edward’s lusts and the safety of the North depends on Edward’s mercurial temper.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

30th Barley Moon 1290

My physician has allowed my lord access to my bedchamber again. I had hope that my arousal during my pregnancy was a sign that I would now be interested in lying with my lord but he rouses no interest in me and has no interest in my pleasure. I have tried all that Queen Mary has suggested to me and he either calls me a whore to be willing to perform such acts or is not interested in performing those acts with me. He wishes to quickly do his duty to his frigid queen and pursue my beloved Eleanor further. I wonder, am I disinterested in sex with men or is my lord husband an awful fuck. None of his mistresses speak of him bringing them great pleasure. From Calun come songs of his limp, little dick which I can’t help but think of as he ruts on top of me.

My darling Eleanor is light and joy, tinkling laughter and warm embraces for all. My Eleanor caged by my lord husband is quiet and grey. She never laughs but breaks in to silent tears as we sit and embroider. Were but that I a man, I would challenge my lord husband to a duel. Were but that I braver, I would gut him as he ruts upon me. I would gladly die to release my dearest Eleanor. She has lain with him nearly a moon and my lord has done naught of what he promised but send his Calun mistress away. She left with father with her yearly income of 1,000 crowns in hand. My father promises her safe home in his keep or marriage in the North if she desires it, where all will know she did not willing give herself to my lord.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

13th Wheat Moon 1290

My darling Eleanor grows more despondent with every passing day. She desperately misses her infant son. Aaron remains safely in mother’s care, and I would not wish him to be exposed to my lord husband but I cannot imagine the grief it brings to my beloved Eleanor. While my Michael’s care is given over to a wet nurse he is still in a city and my lord does not yet deny me the comfort of his company. Mother writes weekly to Eleanor with news but her letters are necessarily circumspect and each letter throws my lord in to a furious temper from which I am barely recovered when the next arrives.

This is the second moon my dearest Eleanor has lain with my lord husband and still the Calun ambassador waits for an audience. At least the dispatches say that the fighting has stopped at the border though tensions still run high.

You can tell when my lord has taken his pleasure with my beloved Eleanor, she looks as fragile as I always feel. I have not had my monthlies since Michael was conceived and fear this means my womb has quickened again. If my physician confirms this he will ban my lord from my chambers again and my Eleanor will have to face his lusts and temper alone. I will withstand all that I can and hide my quickened womb from my physician as long as I can.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

9th Rye Moon 1290

I am pregnant, that I can no longer deny to myself. How much longer I can hide it from either my oblivious lord or my physician I do not know. To lace this tight can not be good for the babe but it eases my love’s burden some. We walked in the gardens and talked of better times today while my lord was out of the city. My Eleanor laughed with quiet restrained but I swear I could see the girl who my brother’s pie with a laughing smile and ran with me to gorge ourselves up on the heather.

My Eleanor withers and dies under my lord’s attentions but still he covets her above all others and has done nothing to ease the amonicity with Calun. I swear my lord is in love, or whatever passes for love with him. I’ve never seen him enamoured with one woman so long nor after she has allowed him to rut her or he has forced himself upon her. I think he would set me aside for her if that would not lose him what little support his Privy Chamber still have for him and send the Northern lords to riot.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

8th Oak Moon 1290

He loves her, my lord tells me. He had one of his fits of pique after his Privy Council told him my Eleanor was unfit to be queen. I should not hope, the gods will curse me for my selfishness, but I hope he beat the child with me so Eleanor will not have to face his lusts alone.

He calls her queen of his heart. Sees her possessed by him alone and broken to his will. To me she is queen of the heather, unbound by man and god but by her sense of duty to our people, our Northern home. Every time I see her wrapped in my lord’s silks, quiet and demure I want to rip them from her, rip her from the need to be in this place and run home to mother, father and Aaron with her and Michael to find my James safe in their keep with tales of daring escape.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2390_

21st Holly Moon 1290

It is our birthday and the ambassador of Calun has no news of James. He has had none for two moons now and my lord made no move to improve my brother’s situation. At this point Eleanor and I must assume him dead, no matter how much it grieves us. He makes no useful prisoner to the Calun king, as his captivity makes no change to my lord’s behaviour. Why would the king maintain him?

Eleanor and I walked among the roses and shared our memories of better times with our dearest James, our hands clasped together for support and when grief became too much we collapsed together to the ground to cry for our lose and our captivity.

She can leave now, she should leave now. The court accepts that my brother is dead through my lord’s inaction but she has discovered my pregnancy and will not leave me here to suffer it and my lord alone. I love her dearly and her presence brightens my day but my heart would ache less to know her safe with mother father and her son.

It feels wrong to say my twin is dead. We are so entwined, surely I would know the moment of his passing. I would feel less without him in this world. But still he must be dead or news would come to attempt to force my lord’s hand.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

9th Snowdrop Moon 1291

My father has declared my brother dead and the priests held the rituals to release his soul from whatever torment it endures. My tears bled the words from the letter so much it was almost illegible to my Eleanor. My lord could not take his anger out on me for I can no longer hide this pregnancy from him. Instead he beat my Eleanor until she could not stand. I helped her maids tend her wounds and placed myself between her and my lord. Here I will stay until she recovers.

She should leave. She is safe to return home. None will judge her for what she has done to save her husband but still she stays. If she left then I could lay down and let the birth take me. My son is trapped here, there is no release for him while my lord still breathes nor the child if it is unfortunate enough to draw breath but it is the presence of myself and Eleanor that stops my father from ceeding to Calun.

* * *

_Correspondence from Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of King Edward II to Lady Madeline of Conte, wife of David Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 20190_

9th Primrose Moon 1291

Dearest Mother,

Thank you for writing to me. It brings me great comfort to know that the burial rituals have been carried out as much as possible for Jamie. I hope you and father are doing well and that tensions at the border have reduced.

My lord and I are pleased to announce that we are expecting another child before the Bluebell Moon wanes. I am afraid I was so caught up in my grief at my brother’s capture and death that I missed the signs until they were unmistakable. I would love to have you and father here for either the birth or naming.

Eleanor is well but she misses Aaron desperately. How is he doing?

Your loving daughter

Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Correspondence from Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte, wife of King Edward II to Lady Madeline of Conte, wife of David Conte. Provided by the personal archives of William Conte, 30th Earl of Conte, Ref 20224_

9th Daffodil Moon 1291

Dearest Mother,

I am saddened to hear you and father will not be able to come for either the naming or birth but I understand father cannot be away from the border for so long. Maybe my lord will travel to the North or permit me to travel to see you soon.

It is wonderful to hear that Aaron is well and like Jamie at home in a horse already. I think my earliest memories is of father taking Jamie and I riding to Roxby. I do so hope to see him soon and for he and Eleanor to be reunited.

You loving daughter

Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

15th Bluebell Moon 1291

I continue to disappoint my lord, this time I bore him twins. The second son he needs to secure his throne and an unnecessary girl. He calls her leech and swears his son would be a healthier larger babe without her. He tells me, he may not be able to set me aside but he must warm my bed no longer and I should pray that both boys survive infancy. His fury if forced to return will make his previous anger seem like a mild inconvenience.

My lord has chosen to name them Richard Edwin Matthew and Mathilda Isabella Mary. The only one of my suggestions he allowed was to honour his mother after first naming my daughter for his favourite whores. I had hoped he would allow my mother or my brother to be remembered in their names. While he may not want her, he will not allow me happiness and only gave her his mother’s name for fear the court would talk and his Privy Council lose even more trust in him.

My lord plans a grand hunt to celebrate the birth of his son, that will take him and his entourage from the city for a month and he cannot see a way to bring Eleanor and leave me behind without causing offence to the Northern lord, so we will both get a break.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

27th Bluebell Moon 1291

Still my love stays. My dearest Eleanor tells me she cannot bear to lose Jamie and me. If she leaves I will let myself slip away and she would be lost but I am lost with her here at my lord’s side and victim to his hand.

He rode out to day to hunt for a moon in celebration of his son’s birth. The son whose naming he will miss to hunt. We have a brief reprieve and I would see my Eleanor gone before he returns and my Mary with her.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

6th Hawthorn Moon 1291

I should be crying and wrending my veils, that is the reaction of a good wife. Instead I am filled with such relief I could float away if this desk were not so heavy and my hand so tightly wrapped around it. I keep smiling as I have not since my lord and I were wed. It is unseemly to so celebrate this news, that I might hide myself away is all that keeps me from embarrassing myself at court.

Today my lord’s hunting party returned, early and somber without my lord. He fell at the hunt and the physician could do nothing, so they say. His body lies in his public chamber. My Michael will be King and I his regent. My baby boy returns from his estate tomorrow. We will bury his father and crown him in three days. Already his Privy Council move to ease tensions with Calun and the Southern Lands.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

9th Hawthorn Moon 1291

The threat has passed, my lord is buried and I Queen Regent, but still my love remains. Nothing here holds her, we will again develop the cordial relationship with our neighbours King David had cultivated. My brother is dead but I will pay whatever the Calun king demands for his earthly remains so they might be buried in our family crypt.

I cannot understand why she would stay. Even if I am heartsore for home, for my son’s sake I cannot leave and I will not fail. My Michael will inherit a kingdom as healthy as King David left it. Even if her presence brings me great joy and comfort, I cannot imagine the pain of being separated from Aaron.

If Eleanor insists on staying, I will send for him.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

13th Hawthorn Moon 1291

Do I replace my brother? I cannot imagine her grief but my jealous heart wishes to be loved for my own self not the pale imitation of my brother I am.

Should I be glad that he is dead. For alive my love would never deign to touch me as a lover. To write my very dearest brother is lost to me still sends a spike of loss through my heart that almost cripples me and still it does not feel right. That I am too whole for him to be gone.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

15th Hawthorn Moon 1291

Eleanor swears to love me for me and to want me for me, separate from James. Swears on Aaron’s life that this is true and what can I do but believe her. Whether true or not she walks with me and holds my hand has she had always done and we can talk of anything while together, as we always have. She eases my burdens which are heavier than I could have imagined.

* * *

_Extract from the personal diaries of Queen Consort Annabelle of Conte. Provided by the Royal Archives, Ref 2567_

20th Cherry Moon 1291

That my love desires me, I cannot deny. When in her cups, she pulls me laughing to her bed chamber with no thought as to who will see. I wake to her tracing the lines of my face and smiling at the sight of me. She is my love and my presence seems to make her happier.

Her happiness and safety is my goal. Her company as eased this time for me and her easy conversation the many awkward meals we have had with ambassador’s of Calun and the Southern Lands. Still the Privy Council say the situation is too fragile to raise my brother.

**Author's Note:**

> A short ficlet set before the main fic when I was working out who the characters were.
> 
> The rope had looked soft and silky from a distance but tied around her wrists it was prickly, scratching every time she squirmed. Her dress was fully unlaced and pushed as far apart as her raised arms would allow and her shift out of place. Eleanor’s tinkling laugh was everywhere. Her fine fissue confused Annabelle’s senses and filled her nose with Eleanor’s hair oil and perfume. 
> 
> Straw tickled at her sides. Pulled away and came again. She couldn’t predict where she was going to be touched next. This was supposed to be a silly game but it felt good, her nipples were peaked and her cunt throbbed like it never had before. She wanted desperately to be kissed. To kiss.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [On the Wings of a Dove](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20213404) by [mechanonymouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechanonymouse/pseuds/mechanonymouse)


End file.
